October 2015 update: The son for whom I wrote the original post, below, is 24 1/2, has had a full time job and a (rented) house of his own for over two years. He is contented, hard-working, loving and clean-living. I am thankful for the many encouraging testimonies that have appeared in the comments section over the years. I’m also thankful that some hurting moms have turned it into a forum for sharing prayer requests and words of wisdom with one another. God bless each of you who struggles with a son making bad choices. May you find comfort in the Lord, in His word, and in what you read here.
April 2013 update: Many of you who write would like to know how to help a believing child stay strong if they are serving a long sentence. I urge you to make contact with Prison Fellowship as soon as possible. This page in particular provides material you can download and print for free to share with your child behind bars. There are also resources for those who are getting out of prison and needing to transition back into normal life.
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January 2013 update: My now 21-year-old son is doing well, staying out of trouble, though not out of the woods yet. He is still fighting with God, and struggling with his self-image. But we see many positive signs, and we continue to pray for him. We’re glad to have him living with us.
This letter that I wrote to him four years ago this month seems to have taken on a life of its own. I am humbly grateful that so many moms have found it helpful in some way. I do read (and try to respond to) every comment posted here. If you would like to use any or all of the words of this letter in writing to your own loved own, please be my guest. I am not worrying about copyright, etc. I will be thankful if my heartfelt words can reach some other young person.
–Godsbooklover
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My very dear son:
Well, you find yourself in a familiar place, confined once again. I can’t say, “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” but it hurts in a different way. I am pained by the choices that led you to that place you had vowed never to enter again. I am angry at your foolish action; disappointed in your lack of self-control, judgment and respect for authority; saddened that you will probably spend your 18th birthday locked up. But I have hope, because I truly believe that God is especially fond of you. He’s applying His law of sowing and reaping in real time for you, so that you can see the consequences of your actions more clearly than many others do. I believe that the justice you feel is also mercy.
You’ve told me that you think the God of the Bible was invented to make people feel badly about themselves. And yet you do believe in some kind of Creator, which shows some good sense on your part. The Bible makes you angry, and God has disappointed you by not revealing Himself to you when you asked Him.
I can’t answer all your questions, Adam. But I can tell you that if the Bible makes you feel badly about yourself, then you have only heard half of its message. The bad news of God’s truth is that we are sinful, prideful, prone to make the wrong choices. ( And I know that you’ll argue that God shouldn’t have set things up that way in the first place. You don’t see the point of free will, but I don’t think you’d like the alternative either.) My point is that the Bible paints a vivid picture of our sinfulness, in all its ugly detail. From Genesis to Revelation, stories of people who stray from God are right up front.
But at the same moment, Scripture tells us the Good News, which is that God gets involved to make another way for us, a way to break free of our bent toward sin. He wants to redeem the whole world–the price is a perfect life, laid down willingly. Jesus’ death paid the penalty, and His life is the perfect pattern for us to follow. He wants to straighten us out so that we can participate in the great work of reconciliation.
The Kingdom of God is so much bigger than just “heaven when you die,” Adam… I’m just beginning to see a glimpse of all that our lives can be–abundant and joy-filled now and always. It’s not about what you can get away with, or how much personal pleasure you can experience. It’s about wanting what God wants for you, and finding a pleasure which you could never have imagined when you were living for yourself.
I know that you haven’t seen this in action, at least not that you could recognize. I’m praying that God will begin to help you make sense of His plans for your life, and for all life. I’m praying for myself that I understand what God wants of me–not just as your mom, but as an apprentice working for His Kingdom right now. I get hints of it–scattered notes carried on the wind, a glimpse of something just over the horizon, a whiff of strange perfume on the air. I hope that I’ll understand more soon. Meanwhile, I love you dearly. I’ll see you soon.
In Hope–
Your mom
Thank you for your encouragement I need to clarify Zac is in the negoiatiating phase with his charges we pray he won’t go to prison again if he does hopefully short term and that he will choose to hang out with Christians in prison I know there are real true Christians in prison and the fakes just like in the free world I’ve heard and seen great prison revivals and choirs God knows what zac needs to further his new life in Christian as Zac is newly born again so God is faithful Satan the liar and Zacs eyes are opened finally to his enemy and is learning how to trust God Amen it is a daily walk
Godsbooklover, I’ve just recently read your post from Oct 2015. It is so GOOD to hear that you are finally experiencing some JOY from your prodigal. I to am experiencing some, meaning I’ve seen some growth but it’s still rocky. I totally understand when you said, “…., and I dread him being released because he has been the cause of so much turmoil in our lives these past few years”. When my son was locked up I remember feeling some relief. I remember feeling like at least I knew where he was and he couldn’t freely get to drugs. I am aware that they can get some in jail and prison but not like when their out. But along with the relief came the pain of having to see him weekly behind bars and hear and see his distress. This is his first round; he’s 18 now so he had to go to jail instead of YDC. Did it help? Maybe some, less then 24hrs of being out he was using illegal drugs. It’s amazing how in jail they are so sorry for what they’ve done and want to get out and make all these promises, but when they get out they seem to forget. He’s been out 4-months, but I’m thinking we might see another round. Believe me, I’m hoping and PRAYING that it is not so! I don’t know why some are so hard headed then others. Some day my son will get it, but I don’t know how much he’ll/we’ll have to suffer until he does. He’s 18 with two felonies. I’m continually trying to encourage him that the felonies don’t define who he is, that God can take the ugly and use it for his glory if he’ll just turn to him. He’s given his life to Christ in words more then once, but as we all know, you can say the words of salvation but there has to be a heart change. God says in Philippians 2: …,work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. We must say and do, in James 2:14-26 it says this very thing (17) faith without works is dead. My son is just not there yet, but he will be! God says so in his word in Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. My son is probably facing a few more hard knocks, but eventually he’ll get it. The seed of God’s word has been planted in him from a child. I believe it’s so hard for him because he’s come from a divided home. I was brought up in a Christian home with loving parents; my son’s father was not. I strayed from my faith and married a unbeliever, I know, my parents tried to stop it, even had our Pastor to tell me that I would some day come back to my faith and I would find myself unequally yoked (2Cor6:14). Sure enough, after a few years into my marriage I came back to my faith. My son’s father wanted NO part of it. I suffered greatly. We eventually divorced after several adulteress affairs. My son’s father has been a part of my son’s life all his life. We’ve been divorced 16 yrs and he still wants no part of God. My son’s Probation Officer told me this; she said she grew up in a divided house herself, not literally together, her parents were divorced. One was Godly and the other totally the opposite. She said it messed her up bad, she didn’t have time to say much more then that, but I got it. I didn’t grow up with such division so coming back to my faith was easy for me. Anyways, on to something else…..
I totally get when you said, “My struggle has been to keep praying for him, since he has made himself the antagonist over and over again. When he is in jail, we have peace.” Sometimes I find myself angry when my son is being mean and hurtful. I get angry when he won’t do what he’s supposed to do. I’ve even exploded on him more then once. I think one of the worse times was when he came home from jail and less then 24hrs he was using again. I remember all the promises he had made when he was locked up, I remember crying my eyes out in the parking lot of the jail after a visit. I remember trying to cheer him up while he was behind bars and fighting the anguish in my soul. And then he gets out and does the above. Anyways sense he’s been out I’ve had to just take one day at a time, just like God’s word says in St. Matthew 6:34 Take there no thought for the morrow: for…..My friends let me know and I have also asked God to make me aware when I’m doing the opposite. I’m starting to recognize more quickly when I’m focusing on the bad. I have no joy, and God’s word says in Nehemiah 8:10 ….;for the joy of the Lord is your strength, so now when I get up I thank God for all the wonderful things about my son. Now don’t get me wrong, the bad still tries to get in and when my son does something that I knows not good for him it’s a fight in me. I want to let him have it, I want to cry in fear and anguish. It’s a fight daily, sometimes hourly, maybe even minutely. Instead of letting my son have it, I tell God about it and then I focus on worship & praise and my joy returns! So I totally understand your struggle, how can someone you love so much cause such heartache. You’ve only done good to them and they continue to cause you GREAT pain. Why can’t they stop, for us, why can’t the see and feel what their doing to us. Their not there, they’ve not come to that place. But I believe my son will some day. I just hope I’m here to SEE it. But either way, as long as he makes it into the Kingdom of God I’m good!
You asked, “Has he never found anyone he could talk to about the motives behind his persistent drug use”? My son has had counseling sense I can’t remember. Of course it’s been pretty much secular counseling; we could only use counselors in our network. My son is now 18 so he gets to decided if he’s going to talk to anyone. Now part of his Probation requirement says he has to but they are not enforcing it and the more I try to make them the more they back away from doing anything. The state Probation Officers are overwhelmed with case loads and it’s easier for them just to let them hang themselves by violating their Probation and in they go again. Then they eventually have to do some serious time so their no longer on the Probation Officers case load. SAD I know, but it’s the system. That’s why we PRAY and BELIEVE for our prodigals. Moving on……
I think I last told you all in Oct 2015 about my son using substances to the point of nearly loosing his life. He’d turned 18 last year in Sept. so we couldn’t make him go into treatment. We finally had a doctor 1013 him; that got him treatment for about two weeks. As soon as the drug over dose was out of his system he became stable. So guess what, they don’t keep them any longer then they have to. He was back out and with in weeks he was messed up and committing felonies. This was when he got locked up for the first time in adult jail in stead of YDC. Oh I forgot our insurance had something to do with him not staying in treatment very long. It was said that he didn’t need inpatient treatment, that his needs could be met in an outpatient facility. Well when he got out, do you think he went and signed up for outpatient treatment, NO! I kicked, screamed and cried to NO avail. He still has had no outpatient treatment and it is even ordered by the court as I stated above. Now he had outpatient treatment when he was in the Juvenile Court System but it was a joke for him.
So now……
Well I’m just taking it one day at a time. My son is not doing what he’s suppose to do as far as his Probation requirements so we’ll see where that leads. He’s been out 4-months and they’ve not done anything to him. Me, right now I’m just trying to love him and be a good Godly example. He’s experiencing the peace and love of God in our home. You can’t get any better then that, what he does is up to him. Me, I’ll endure another round, and another round, etc. with God by my side until my baby finally gets it! I know, he’s 18+ but still…..
Anyways, last but not least, here’s something I wrote about that might encourage one of you. A movie I watched called “Confessions of a Prodigal Son”.
Last year’s movie…….kind of cheesy, BUT there was one good part at the end, so I guess it was worth watching. Here goes………
Preachers standing before his congregation and says these words…….
“Today I’m sad, I’m sad because of my son, whom some of you know, who left two years ago.”
“I’m sad because I miss him and I love him, and I’m sad because I CAN NOT LOVE HIM ENOUGH, I can not love him back to me.”
“The message I have for you today is that God loves you, but not the way you think. If you think that God is vengeful and angry, then you do not know God’s love, which is infinite and supernatural. We can’t possibly understand the dept of God’s love for us because we can’t fit an all powerful, all knowing glorious God inside our puny little heads. Because it just won’t fit, I’m going to need a bigger head. So no matter where you are in your life today, no matter what road you’ve taken, or path you’ve wondered. Don’t ever think God’s angry with you or disappointed in you; know today that he just simply loves you. He just loves you profoundly and wants you to come home.”
The part about not being able to “love him enough, I can’t love him back to me” brought me to my knees. I can totally relate to this.
And of course the part about God’s love being so pure & easy, I experience this daily.
Jesus tells us himself in…….
St. Matthew 11:28-30
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
We have to recognize when we’ve let burdens and the things that cause us anguish rob us of experiencing what Jesus says above.
Dear Mary:
I am always glad to see your comments and updates here. You are so faithfully demonstrating what it means to rely on the Lord and His strength, especially the power of His Word. It is convicting to me, as I have not been. Busyness is very real, but not a very good excuse.
I thank God that He is showing you truth about where your son’s heart is, and how far he still needs to come. I believe God’s grace will continue to draw him where you, as you say, cannot. It is so hard to parent our adult children!
Update on our lives: the son for whom I wrote this post (7 years ago!) is now 25, still doing well on his own, though not seeking the Lord. Our older son, whom I mentioned in our last update, is 27. He is on house arrest (NOT at our house) for a felony fraud conviction. My husband and I have full permanent custody of his daughter, age 5 1/2, who has lived with us for most of her life. She is our delight, and we are trying, with God’s grace, to not make the same mistakes with her that we may have made with our sons. We are older and wiser, for sure!
Thank you for continuing to use this little blog post as a forum for prayer and encouragement. God bless and sustain you…
Godsbooklover
I praise God for finding your post my only son Zechariah is facing his 3rd prison term I’m at loss for words my heart aches for time lost and my heart rejoices at the protection God has given Zac. After reading the stories from Mom’s I have a bit of peace to not give up Zac will come to his senses in God’s timing. My husband and I were involved in prison ministry for 5 years and the prisons do have great opportunity for revivalsGod’s Grace is sufficient.
The truth you posted set me free when Adam and Eve had the perfect parent and chose to sin. GOD TOLD ME YEARS ago Zac had free will I still blamed myself now I’m free from the lie Satan was feeding me
Praise the Lord for that freedom! I still struggle with guilt and “what if” after all these years, and I still need to remind myself of this truth. I’m sure there are several readers here who would be happy to pray for your son. Thank you for writing, Kathy, and God bless you.
The last reply to this wa October of last year. Please someone post something – I so need to know that I am not alone in this. Came across this site while googling for something else. God had to have a reason for my stumbling onto this. Are there still other mothers out there or am I alone?
Dear DE, you are most certainly not alone! The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and is our greatest source of comfort, an ever-present help in trouble. Is there a Prison Fellowship chapter near you? They may have a support group you could join. I will pray that you are able to connect with those who can provide wise counsel, a listening ear and caring hearts. In Christ, Godsbooklover
Dear DE, NO, you are not alone but it certainly feels like it in the beginning traveling through the murky waters of the prison world. Ask any question or ask for prayers. 5 years ago I was came across this site when my son was just in the beginning stages & I was so overwhelmed with grief…it was not comprehensible. 5 years later he served his time with flying colors, became a Christian & even had hip replacement surgery in there & is home in a very good job & doing extraordinary!!! It wasn’t easy for any of us. He devoured each conversation & wanted more. I ran out of topics to discuss with him. He grasped onto any and all details just to know someone was out here waiting for him that loved him. He was so scared but he DID IT!!! I will say prayers for you & your loved one but know you can ask anything. Huge hugs!!
DE, It was about a year 1/2 when I also found this site when my son was arrested. His incarceration was not as long as some have been sentenced to, but my heart felt just as sentenced. It was a hard journey. The Lord held me and helped me through it. Also he placed people in the different facilities my son was in to help him make it through his time. God is so good and mysterious. One of the people was a pastor who was an inmate. The other was a son of a pastor that was an inmate that held bible studies. I sent my son the Celebrate Recovery bible and encouraged him by writing alot and phone calls. Once you figure out the communication system of the facility, and communicate it will help. My son is out and home. He is working and staying clean. He is trying to find who he is without self medicating and making better life choices, but it is obvious he has a long way to go. I am thankful for the Lord’s protection, provision and love during that time. The Lord is with you and will never leave you. He will be the lifter of your head and heart. He will hold you up when you feel like you can’t do it anymore. CF
Update:
In January my son moved out, he has come back in the last few weeks and is worse then I’ve ever seen him. The drugs have such a hold on him; I’ve never seen this level before. We were in the Doc’s office the other day and I was begging him to go into an in-patient facility because the Doc said, “Right now you have a choice, you can choose to get help, but the way your heading you’ll soon be in a place where you won’t be able to make a choice for yourself.” The Doc is referring to the stuff he’s on. The Doc said, “You don’t want to stop using but your body can’t take much more.” “The stuff your on is capable of putting you into a permanent psychosis, a coma or even death.” My sons like, “Yes it’s worth it, I’d rather feel this way then to feel……” I thought in this moment my HEART was going to STOP! What is this level of EVIL that even when a person’s body is revolting, telling the person I can’t take much more your killing me they won’t stop! I’m like, “GOD…..I can’t do this!” I told my son, “If something happens to you I hope you know there will be a double funeral!” My HEART seems to be so connected to his; I’ve never LOVED anything like I LOVE my son. Nothing in this world has brought me more JOY then being a wife & mother. I have felt and told my son for years that God has a purpose and calling on his life and for the first time in his 18 yrs of life I’ve questioned this. I told my son for the first time, “Son maybe it’s me and I’ve not been hearing right from God, maybe this is it, the Docs saying that if you don’t stop using your bodies going to stop for you.” What a place to be………questioning the promises of God! Then I was reminded of Zacharias in St. Luke 1:18…..in how he doubted and God struck him dumb for a season. I then repented of my doubts and told my son that in my fear I doubted God’s promises! My emotions have been all over the place, one minute I feel great strength from God’s word and the next I’m spiraling into a vortex of despair! I am STRONG….I am WEAK……I am STRONG…..I remember as a child loving that book “The Little Engine that Could” I think I can…..I think I can….AND then God reminds me, “I know you can!” I’m like, “God, we’ll do this one minute, one hour, one day at a time.” “I will praise you this day and do as your word says in St. Matt. 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. If I look at this situation thinking about what might happen I’m thinking ahead. God’s strength is for today and he’ll give me a NEW dose tomorrow! If I try to think about tomorrow right now the enemy of my soul tries to cause me to spiral down….down…… in despair. 1 Cor 15:57
Oh, Mary:
You have walked such a long, hard road. Ironically, the son for whom I originally wrote this post has been walking a better road (though not with the Lord) for years now. He is a joy to be around, he respects and appreciates us and the values we gave him. I continue to hope and pray that he will eventually return to the Lord. However, our older son is in jail at the moment, and I dread him being released because he has been the cause of so much turmoil in our lives these past few years. His main issue is not drugs (at least I don’t think so), but there are mental health concerns which are not diagnosed. We have been raising his daughter (now almost five) and are in process of filing for full custody, which I fear he will fight. My struggle has been to keep praying for him, since he has made himself the antagonist over and over again. When he is in jail, we have peace.
I can’t even imagine the depth of pain you must feel when you see your son in such a self-destructive mode. Has he never found anyone he could talk to about the motives behind his persistent drug use?
I am thankful for your mature faith, demonstrated in the way you apply scripture. Keep putting your armor on each day, dear sister. Stand firm. It will not honor God or further His purposes if your son’s choices lead to your downfall, too. May the God of all comfort be your strength and shield. Praying with you…
Godsbooklover
Update:
Sense my last post my son has moved out. I gave him a choice to either go into a drug treatment program or move out, of course I new he had a place to go, his dads. His father does not live for the Lord and does drugs. Not an ideal situation in the least but I do believe that my son has to choose when he’s ready for change. I can’t force or do it for him. I can be there at every valley/mountain top experience which won’t and isn’t easy. I told a friend the other day, it’s one thing going through valley’s of my own life but to live through the valley’s of my son’s is right up there with watching cancer consume my mother. I thought the pain of my own valleys was hard but it’s even harder watching my precious son go through his. I ask God often, “How did you bear it, watching your innocent son die on a cross.” Then I am reminded that God new the glory that was to come after such PAIN. I to must remember this; that these valleys will form & shape my son in who he is to become. I told him the other day on the way to school; life is kind of like how wheat was grinded between stones in the very beginning and that having the Lord with you through it makes all the difference. He didn’t really have a response but I don’t consider anything I say a waste, I believe that later in life he will remember things I’ve said and it will help him. He lets me PRAY for him pretty much every day on the way to school, there are times when he’s not in a good mood and he acts as if he does want me to but I still do. I always ask God for protection, favor, wisdom and that my son would LOVE him with all his heart, soul and mind. Oh I forgot to mention above, as cancer consumed my mother’s body I never seen her faith shaken, it was stead fast and unshakable. My…. the ole devil tried hard but my mom’s LOVE for God was greater! Anyways back to my son, on the day that it came for him to move I didn’t think I could bear it. My life has been about my son for 17+yrs, being a wife & mother was and has been the greatest fulfillment. They day of the move all I could think about was who would take care of him like I do. I’ve loved and nurtured him these 17+yrs and know body can LOVE him like I have. I broke down and wept until I had no energy left. I told God that I didn’t think I could handle it physically or mentally. The anguish was beyond anything I’d experienced, unfaithful husband, my mother’s cancer; I thought this is it; this PAIN is going to take me out. Then the SWEET peace of God came and I remembered “Footprints in the Sand”, during your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you! Oh Praise God!
P.S.
Dear C
My soul sores when I hear how the Joy of our Lord strengthens you as well. It also helps to know that there are others that have BAD days and are experiencing similar situations. I will be so glad when we are changed from mortal to immortal. The anguish that I feel sometimes when my sons in the valley almost seems like it’s going to take me out, but God…………Oh the letting go, after being his protector for 17+yrs, hardest thing yet! I still don’t know what’s to come before my son realizes there’s only one that will fulfill him and that is our Savior! You will make it “C” as long as you drink daily from the well of God, reading his word, listening to Godly music, listening to sermons. Saturate your self in all there is Godly and YOU will make it! This is how we defeat our enemy the devil.
I can’t believe just a few days ago I was in the grip of torment. I can’t believe I would allow the pain that my son’s behavior is causing me to consume me. And just as if a light switch was turned on it let go and I told my husband that my JOY had returned. For almost two weeks I was in the grip of despair. God has been so good to me and I can’t believe I allowed myself to be consumed & so distressed even to the point of sickness. Now I see why the Israelites were in the wilderness 40 yrs. It’s amazing how we can let something so close to home such as our children put us in a dead lock of pain & grief and forget the POWER of the God we serve. I believe it was a several day journey for the Israelites to reach the promise land and yet it took 40 years. It’s amazing how feelings such as PAIN, HUNGER, etc. can cause such a gridlock, we become almost like Lots wife, a pillar of salt. I was useless to God during my gridlock of suffering, BUT oh the JOY that floods my soul now. Our most wonderful Savior had me in his grip the whole time. This is just another experience I can learn from and help others. Our Father in Heaven is making & molding me for my destiny. I must remember that the LOVE of my life, my son cannot be allowed to put a wedge between God and me. I was so wrapped up in the pain of what my son was doing I let it lock me down, even to the point that I became to sick to commune with God. Drugs have got a hold on my precious son (my only child) once more but I told him that it was not his destiny, that I don’t know what or how much he’s going to have to go through before he’s living and working for God but one day he will fulfill his destiny. He said, “I’m sorry Mom, and you are right.”
Mary,
I totally was a salt statue for a few days last week. The joy of the Lord has also restored my strength in the Lord and brought me out of the emotional comma I was in. My son is on probation, His heart turned to the Lord while in prison last year. There were so many miracles of mercy and protection through that process and his time in prison. He was released and has been on probation and improving with his recovery but the journey is hard (like the Israelites) He has violated some probation rules and is now back in custody awaiting a probation hearing.,
One of my believing friends prayed for me to know when to catch him and when to let go. The Lord is really working that out in me. .
Thank you for your description of where we were. Can I borrow your words for my son? ” I told him that it was not his destiny, that I don’t know what or how much he’s going to have to go through before he’s living and working for God but one day he will fulfill his destiny.”
And we know our great Mighty Champion will fulfill.
C.
HELLO HOW CAN I WRITE A LETTER, FOR SON IN JAILS BECAUSE A FIGHT IN MY APARTMENT IT WAS SELFD WITH SON AND MY BOYFRIEND, MY BOYFRIEND NOT WITH NO MORE IS IN HEVEN AND MY SON IN JAIL THERE WHAT GIVE HIM 7TO 10 YEARS, I STILL THINK ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND AND MY SON I NO HE MY SON, MY BOYFRIEND IS TO HIT ME, SO HOW CAN I DO A LETTER FOR MY SON THANK YOU….
Hi Monalisa, I’m so sorry for your suffering. To find the address to where your son is incarcerated just look it up on the internet. If you don’t know how I can help if you respond to this I’ll get the address to you. Just let me know where he is.
heavenly father bless all the prisoners and their family. I am blessed to see hoe one person inspires others.
Thank you for sharing your letter of so many years ago. It helped me with words to say to my 28 year old son today, Thanksgiving. He is in jail waiting for sentence. He is an x military man that struggles with PTSD and addiction. Before that he has trauma from the age of 10 being rejected by father through divorce. He sees himself as worthless, The events of military employment in Iraqi freedom are not known by me. My prayer is that he receives sentencing to a VA site for mandatory treatment to serve his time. He had just moved to better his life. I’m not sure what drove him to do what he did. I do believe God is with him and God has a plan for my son in all of this. Thank you for bringing light to the in and outs of the system. Educating myself on how the system runs is a job in itself. I haven’t broken down yet, still in shock. Once again, thank you for sharing your letter. It says so much of what I want to say to my son to encourage him and to not enable him.
Boaz7
My dear sister: I am humbled by how God has continued to use this letter across the years. May God give you the grace to be thankful today: your son is alive; he is safe; you have seen him make good choices, so you know he is capable; you have words now to say to him; God is not finished with him (or you!) yet. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to see your son suffering such profound effects as a result of serving his country. I will pray that the Lord meets him at his point of need and brings light into his dark places. Thank you for commenting here. It is an encouragement to me. God’s best–godsbooklover
Thank you for your reply so quickly. I spoke with him yesterday, the time is so limited. But, I think it is a good thing right now. He and I were so choked up. I was able to share a few words from your letter. He said, he doesn’t want to talk long, and expose himself. It seems there are other inmates around when he calls and doesn’t want to lose it front of them in fear of a response he will have to deal with. He is attending bible study, praying and said he is ready to do anything to get to the next place, hopefully for treatment in the VA. Praise God. My fear is that this is another chance and he will fail. How do you fight that heart pain. I trust in God and His plans, but this nagging thought is large. Your words, be thankful he is alive is what I have been thanking God for. He could have been killed. And for that matter, a few times before in his rocky road. How do you stop worrying about the safety of the one you love while in the system? Thank you for reminding me of the times, I have seen him make the right decisions. God is changing me too. I am grateful that you were encouraged too. C.
Date: Thu, 28 Nov 2013 20:11:03 +0000 To: carolf55@hotmail.com
Hang in there! My son has been in 2 years & tomorrow (wow can’t believe it’s been 2 yrs) I am flying from AZ to KY to see him for the first time. I’m sure seeing him will be bittersweet. I was SO incredibly scared those first few months but for us it has turned out to be a Godsend. He has turned his life over to God & is doing amazing. He took SAP (Substance Abuse Program) & graduated with flying colors (allowing him 90 days off of his time). He’s in 5 yrs. He did so well in SAP that he was asked to be a mentor. I’m almost afraid for him to come out because there I don’t worry about him. He’s got a roof over his head, food, clothing, & God!!! AND he’s safe from his ex-wife (was wife when he went in). I worry about when he gets out that she’ll just get him put right back in with her lies. Your son can find good in there. Encourage him to do classes to better himself & of course go to church. It has helped my son so much. He’s currently taking a parenting class.
THANK YOU to your son for his service & I pray that you find peace today!!
May God bless your visit with your son. I’m thrilled to hear that he is doing so well inside…it’s great to know that there is nowhere we can find ourselves where God cannot reach us. Thanks for commenting, Mom!
MOM,Thank you for sharing your struggle with me. It was encouraging. 2 yrs without seeing him. How did you ever survive that? Today is the day you are seeing him. I will pray for you.My prayer is that my son will also surrender and heal with God and continue to move towards God’s plan for his life, like your son is, finding good in there and helping others from how God grew him during this time.Isn’t that what it is all about in all our lives. Any advise on how you respond to others when they ask about your son? It is all so new. My son is going to bible study and praying. I’m thankful and hopeful that my son’s heart will open more and more to God’s love. I will also pray for you. Blessings, C. Date: Thu, 28 Nov 2013 22:46:20 +0000 To: carolf55@hotmail.com
Sorry this took a few days to respond to. Such an emotionally draining visit. It is tough to survive not seeing him but we do talk every other day & I am a very positive person so I always look at the bright side….he’s fed, clothed, safe & has a special relationship with the chaplain, he’s passed SAP which is very tough & away from the horror of his ex-wife. His family nor I feel he is where he should be but he was married to a very evil person so he’s away from her & that feels very, very good. It’s over $2,000 to fly to KY from AZ with flight, car & hotel rental so unfortunately we can’t make the trip often. HE LOOKS AMAZING, HE SOUNDED AMAZING!! I cried from the moment we said our goodbye hugs & kisses until practically the next day. He told us he feels safe (although he sure is “on the watch” constantly we noticed). He is taking advantage of all he can to improve his life (he is currently taking Boundaries which is very good for him as he just wants to do for everyone & take care of everyone). Because of passing SAP he was given 90 days off of his sentence & for every month he’s there & doesn’t get into trouble he gets another 7 days off. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS! They are so much appreciated! Blessings & prayers to you to godsbooklover. I appreciate you both!!!!
What a wonderful report! I am so thankful to hear that your son is doing so well! Praise the Lord for providing what he needed, even though worldly wisdom would say otherwise. I will continue to pray for his safety and continued progress in faith. A blessed holiday season to you, Mom…thank you so much for letting us know about your visit. GBL
On Tue, Dec 3, 2013 at 11:06 AM, Winnowing…sorting the wheat and chaff of
[…] am not a mom and I do not have a child in prison. I saw this letter this morning and believe God told me to post it because it will encourage one of my […]
Thank you for reposting.
NO thank you GBL
I PRAISE God when I get the chance to give back to this blog/site. You started it and this blog/site and you HELPED me when I could hardly breathe. You don’t forget the people God used to hold you up when you crumble. I can’t wait until the day when we stand before OUR maker and we see how many lives we helped unknowingly. Praise GOD!
Lanette,
Right now things are good for me with my son so I’m not coming to you with a grieving heart as you are now. So I don’t know if I can be much help but I’ll try. I totally can relate to everything you’re feeling, been there. When we love our kids so much and they do stupid stuff it tears us apart. I also remember not being able to function and feeling so lost. Seeking God was the only thing that helped me. I read his word and listened to anything I could get my hands on (music, teachings, etc.). Prayed, had people praying, I really don’t know how someone can even go through this kind of stuff without God.
The suffering is so great; to me nothing has hurt me more then what my child has put me through. It’s like your kids have their hands around your heart and every time they do something bad it squeezes it. You will not survive if you let this consume your thoughts all through the day. It’s ok to grieve daily but not all through the day–you’ll make yourself sick and then what good will you be for your son when he needs you? Do whatever you have to do to not allow yourself to grieve throughout the day. Think of the positive things about your son throughout the day. Have your grieving, just don’t do it all day; if you do your body will become sick and what good will you be to anyone?
I think blaming ourselves is the first things we do as mothers. I told myself, none of us are perfect; I’ve done a lot of things right and I’m sure I’ve done some things wrong, but I know I did the best I could at that time in my life. We do what we know, it may not be perfect but it’s what we know until we know differently. How can we hold anything against ourselves when we did what we new at that time in our lives, we can’t. Your son will learn just like we learn through our experiences. We all have to learn from what we do. His experiences will be his own, different then how you had to learn. The best thing you can do as his mom is to take care of yourself so you can be there for him. Grieve for him and then go through the rest of the day thinking of the good, what he will become after he’s learned some life lessons. Tell God about what scares you, tell him about the hurts. If you are too sick to do so, have another brother or sister in Christ come and lay hands on you and do it for you. May God carry you (FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND Poem).
Mary, thank you for your ministry of encouragement to other moms. I’m thrilled to hear that things are going well with your own son right now. God bless you for your faithfulness in visiting this site. In His grip, GBL
Hi, my name is Lanette and I’m a mother of 5 boys. My middle child, Cody who is 19 was arrested on the 22nd. This is his second arrest in 15 months. He’s being held at one of the worst county jails in the nation, Rock Road in Florida. I’m so lost. I don’t know where to turn and I can’t seem to function. I think of him 24 hours a day and stare at his mugshot over and over throughout the day. I’m so sad. As parents that know what I’m going through, I wanted to reach out. If anyone feels like emailing me, please do and we can cope together. My email is Lanette29@gmail.com. I keep blaming myself, did I not discipline enough, did I discipline too much? Over and over… This is such a horrible thing to go through. No parent wants to see their child locked up.
Dear Lanette: I’m so glad you took the time to post a comment here, and I hope that you will get some email “pen” pals. I will pray for Cody as the Lord brings him to my mind. I do believe that often we have to hit bottom before we’re willing to listen to truth and turn to God.
I too blamed myself, for a long time. But I hang onto what my pastor said to us: “God the Father was a perfect parent, and He put His children in a perfect environment…but they sinned anyway, by their own choice. If the Perfect Father can have faulty kids, you can, too.”
Take that to heart, commit Cody to God, and keep praying, dear mother!
Yours in Christ,
GBL
My son Robbie is 30 yrs. now with 2 children 4 and 8years old (they are my life). He is in and out of jail all the time. He is now facing up to 5 years. Drugs has ruled his life from the time he was 15 years old. I wasn’t the best mom and his dad was even worst. I am in church now and take my grandbabies to Sunday school every Sunday. I am praying that the Lord will touch Robbie’s heart and he will realize that God has a plan for his life. I pray that my son becomes a better father to my grandsons. Please pray for my son.
I will certainly pray for your family–you, Robbie and the boys. God is giving you an opportunity to invest spiritually in your grandsons–and by extension, in your son. May God continue to encourage your heart, deepen your trust, and grant you joy and hope.
My son is 18 heading to a maximum state prison in Minnesota . He had found god before entering the jail before his sentencing . I am trying to find the right words of wisdom to a boy not yet a man has to enter such a harsh place – after for months before sentencing started following the good road verses staying on the bad . He his scared he may not come back himself and that he may get lost . Knowing to protect himself he may have to make bad choices even though he wants to just serve the time and come home . Yet scared when he comes home wandering what kind of life can a young man have with felony prison charges on his name .
Dear Lauri: I STRONGLY urge you to get in touch with Prison Fellowship at http://www.prisonfellowship.org. They have resources for you as well as for your son. Click on this link:
https://www.prisonfellowship.org/resources/prisoners-families-friends/resources-for-loved-ones-behind-bars/ to get lots of material you can download and print for free, to share with your son. Keep praying! He can get through this with the Lord’s strength: Philippians 4:13, II Corinthians 12:9-10. Thank you for sharing.
Thank u for the wonderful info 🙂
Well, I will post this comment just to say my testimony. God changed the life of my children, the devil had destroyed them, they were involved in drugs, theft, As a mother it hurt a lot, and after many years of waiting I understood that everything is in His time, not mine. The answer came at the perfect time, four years ago my children has completely changed. I didn’t do anything just pray, just wait. God will answer your prayers, have faith, never loose your faith God’s will its always good for us. We are not skilled to understand, how God work sometimes Jeremiah 29:11 talks about to give you hope and a future. I believe it so. I also canceled the evil plans in my kids life, in the name of Jesus. I hope you understand my English. Spanish its my primary language. So I pray for all those young in jail, in prison. and peace to all the mothers who’s still waiting for an answer. God Bless You
Thank you for sharing your testimony, Celeste. Your story is a great encouragement to me and to many other moms. God bless you and your children.
Wow! I am inspired my son just turned himself in, they were looking for him he said he did not do anything, but I always told him, you need to choose wisely who you hang around with, what they do can affect you and your life! My heart breaks to pieces because I didn’t think I could go through this again, your letter and comments reassures my faith and belief that all will be ok. I ask you to join me in prayer that our precious lord reveals himself to my son during this trial and changes his way! Amen
Dear Days: Yes, indeed, we will uphold you in prayer. I am humbled by how God has chosen to use this letter, so long after it was written, to encourage other moms who “didn’t think they could go through this again”…how well I understand! May God comfort you, and enable you to comfort others. May He be a real and unavoidable presence to your son. And may our Lord send His servants to visit your son when you have no more words but only unconditional love to offer. Hold fast, dear heart. God is faithful, and will not abandon you or him. In His grip, Godsbooklover
Amen amen, blessed be the lord who has used your ministry and experience to help others like me and guide us to the shinning light in our darkness. Blessings to you, your son and family. May the lord pour his continued blessings on your son!
Hi ,my name is Hilda,I need your prayers for my son john,who is in jail and is facing prison time for a crime of robbery he committed afew months ago.he can lighten his sentence through taking “lifeskill courses” and other classes,but all he can think of is how to get out on bail,in which His father and I cannot afford ,he knows he did wrong and he knows he has to pay for his crime ,he wants to get out so he can have time with his family and to work for his canteen/phone money and take the burden off his family when he has to be sentenced.He says he can’t take the lifeskill course for 6 months,cause he is in maximium security.we found out he could’ve started 3 weeks after he was in.don’t know what to think or who to believe.I just ask God in prayer that he will touch my son and bring him to his senses,and start taking the classes that will reduce his sentence and help him not have to serve along time in jail.I am 52 and his dad is 55,I pray that I will beable to see/touch and kiss my son and be able to see my son get a second chance to turn his life around for the better and live life for God and Jesus christ,before I died or before the heavens bust open ,before the second coming of christ.please pray mercy for /over my son my son.I also need a prayer to send to him that may help him ,get up and help hisself.thank you and may God bless you as you continue to help others.
Hilda: I’m sorry I’ve been so long in replying to you. Yes, indeed, I will pray for your son. I would suggest reading Psalm 139 and Psalm 51–the first is a reminder to both of you that we cannot hide from God. The second is King David’s great prayer of confession. Our son about whom this post was written is now 21. He’s stayed out of trouble since the arrest that prompted this post (nearly 4 years ago now), praise the Lord. I sense a gentling in his spirit towards the Lord, and we continue to pray that God will draw Adam back to Himself. Never give up hope!
I see you left this response I year ago. I can’t help but wonder how well you are coping with the pain of knowing your son did not follow the path you dreamed for him. This is all pretty new for me. My son has been in jail for 5 weeks now with no sentence as of yet. Not even the ability to predict how this will turn out. His crime crossed Alabama and Georgia state lines so he will probably be sentenced in two states consecutively. If I stay busy enough I feel I can cope. Other times I completely fall apart. I sometimes wonder if I, alone, feel the pain at this depth. I’m told I am only hurting and aging myself but I can’t help missing and worrying about my boy. I would give 10 years of my life if it could fix all that is broken.
Thank you all for sharing your stories and prayers with strangers. I no longer feel alone or shame for my sons choices. He too, is in jail. I thought I could not go on, but with God, and support from you all I have found a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know he has a plan for my son, Justin, and for me. I respect friend and familys advice to stay away and let him learn a lesson but my God spoke to my heart to visit him. I have made my family upset, but my son started attending services and AA meetings in prison two days after my visit. I have told my son many times that God does not make mistakes. He made you and he loves you. I am grateful for this source of encouragement and the love and mercy of God.
Oh Mary, you’ve brought tears to my eyes. I am rejoicing with you today. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! He hears the cries of our hearts, and His timing is always perfect.
I just want to let the whole world know that my son told me today that he got SAVED. I asked him did they have a church service. He’s in YDC. He’s like, “No mom I’ve been talking to one of the Officers about God and reading the Bible. I was like they have Bible’s in here. These days with the separation of church and state I didn’t think they’d allow it! I just pray that every mom out there will get to hear these same words from their son/daughter. I give God the PRAISE and GLORY and my soul is overflowing this evening! And thank you for these words of encouragement and prayer for my son. God is so good!
godsbooklover: Mary, you know that your son is never truly alone. And in that very isolated place, let’s pray that he will be able to hear God’s voice clearly, ….
He’s hearing, he’s hearing! Let us Magnify & Glorify the Lord~
Oh Son;
Once again the same familiar thing, I sit at home unable to go on, grief consumes me even now. It is robbing the life out of me. Why, why I cry will he not make better choices. The consequences of you being locked up several times has not changed your down word spiral and it not only effects you but me as well. Why are you not getting better, but worse? I have always trusted God knowing that he will work all things for the good that love him (Romans 8:28), BUT right now son I feel hopeless. I cry out to God even now to reach down and lift me out of it so that I can be strong for you. I must endure so when you come through all this I’ll be here for you.
Later on in the evening after reading some in “Toe To Toe With Your Teen” by Dr. Jimmy Myers, Ph.D. I’m encouraged. If Abraham who waited decades for the child God promised, only to then be ordered to sacrifice his son trusted God then so can I. I am so glad that my parents gave me the greatest gift of all my faith in our Lord.
My Dear Son,
I cry for you this morning knowing you must endure another day in isolation. A wonderful lady comforted me with these words; maybe in your isolation you’ll be able to hear God’s voice. You have been taught from a babe about our Heavenly Father. In your teen yrs you’ve turned away, but God promises me in Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Son you are the most beautiful person I know, faults and all. That’s how our Heavenly Father sees us as well. He looks at our heart; he knows we are imperfect, that’s why he gave us Jesus to cover our sins. Some day you will change the world for the better, God has great plans for you. In 1 Chronicles 22:11-12
Now , my son, the Lord be with thee; and prosper thou, and build the house of the Lord thy God, as he hath said of thee.
Only the Lord give thee wisdom and understanding,…….. keep the law of the Lord thy God.
Look at my life Son; I could not have endured life’s blows without my FAITH in God. You will someday realize this as well in your own life!
Thank you for your comforting words & prayers. The Lord knows what we need; I’m even reminded of the song “He’s An On Time God”. May God richly BLESS you for taking the time to comfort me and go before the Lord on behalf of my son. Our Heavenly Father says in Psalms 30:5
…: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
I found out this evening that my precious son is in lock down in his pod (cell) for 48hrs. He lunged at a boy that was making fun of him over and over again. As I sit here and weep and pray for him I think, “God how could you endure watching your son, our Savior suffer unimaginable torment and I can’t even handle my son being in lock down for 48hrs.”
Mary, you know that your son is never truly alone. And in that very isolated place, let’s pray that he will be able to hear God’s voice clearly, free from all the random (often cruel) distracting voices…praying with you over the miles…Godsbooklover
I read this almost every day. It helps me so much! Thank you all! Hugs & prayers to each of you.
Thank you… thank you… thank you. I thank God for this site! I’m crying even as I write this. It is so true about my son when you say they are so much younger on the inside. In some areas his maturity level is not that of a 14-yr old. I thank God for your WISDOM. My peace has returned and the anguish is gone! PRAISE GOD!!!
To my Dear Beloved Son,
My heart, my everything. The day I found out I was pregnant with you was one of the best days of my life. I never could have dreamed I’d be without you. I’m lost; these last 14-yrs have been about being your mother. Your not here and I don’t know what to do with myself. I have loved and love being your mother. Everybody says not to come see you in YDC, but my heart tells me something different. They (counselor, friends) say that you need to learn a lesson, that you need to realize that when you make the choices to do what you do and it gets you locked up you hurt me terribly and others. I don’t know I’ve never been through this before. My heart says their wrong, but they say that you can’t go by how you feel that I need to do what’s best for you. I’m asking myself over and over, is this what is best for you, me not coming to see you. What must you be feeling? Do you feel that know body cares? I would if I was in your shoes. Oh son I don’t wish this on my worse enemy. I have always rescued you, when you were little I fixed your boo-boo’s, as you’ve gotten older I’ve listened to your frustrations, and now it feels awful not being there to comfort you. What to do……What to do.
Mary:
See your son. Jesus wants us to visit “the least of His brothers” in prison…how much more should you be demonstrating your love for your son. You are allowing him to experience consequences just by his being there. Don’t neglect to write to him and visit as often as you are able. I certainly don’t regret our weekly visits to our son when he was in ACJC over and over…I’ll never forget the one weekend we missed. I didn’t get a message to him in time, and he was miserable, felt abandoned. They are so much younger on the inside than they appear on the outside…Follow your heart. Praying for you. Godsbooklover
Thank you for this beautiful letter. You have expressed what my heart was crying to say to my son. He is 37. He has about 6 months left, but still blames and hasn’t accepted that he was wrong and broke the law. He says he will never go back to jail again once out, but also he no longer has any respect for the law. Everything he thinks and says seems to be a contradiction. I love him as you do your son and have the same prayers for his life. I just want God to take him and work his life to his will and for good. I believe he lead me to see this letter and I thank him and you for writing it. It is truly inspirational! God bless you and your family.
My PRAYER for you:
Oh GOD comfort this mother, give her your strength when she has none. This is the only way you’ll make it. Even with our LORD’s strength some days I myself have just enough energy to make it through the day when my son has done something wrong. You must have your fellow brother’s & sister’s praying for you at all times. Our children are our HEARTS, when something’s wrong with them it feels like our HEARTS are being squeezed both physically and mentally. I myself have to take it one day at a time and constantly be feeding myself with the word of GOD. I hope you have a real true sister in Christ that can be with you as much as you need her to be. Your every waking thought is probably consumed with this right now and so will the many days ahead. You need an ear to listen and a sister in Christ to pray. If you don’t put on the armour (EPHESIANS 6:11-) of GOD in this battle you’ll be swallowing a bunch of pills just to keep it together. Your only relief will come through the word of GOD, PRAYER and the LAYING on of hands. This is the time in your life when you can really identify with the “Footprints in the Sand” Poem. This type of stress and anxiety which I’m sure you are experiencing will crush your spirit and body, both physically and mentally. You must fight, because evil would like nothing better then to take as many people down as possible. You have to be strong physically and mentally for your son. My HOPE and PRAYER for you is that you already have a personal relationship with our FATHER through his son JESUS and that you’ll be able to withstand.
P.S.
I’m not shocked at what your son might have done. I believe any person can be taken over by evil and is capable of doing anything. This is why it is so important for all of us Christians to be feeding our spirits daily with the word of God, talking/praying to God on a daily bases. Now sometimes some of the medication’s that are consumed can cause some major Psychosis. Just know that with you and your fellow brothers and sisters praying for your son there’s HOPE. God promises that he will take every situation and work it for our good. The days/years ahead may not see or feel like that God’s working it out, BUT this is where your FAITH must sustain you.I’m so sorry for you and everyone involved having to go through this. May GOD comfort you all.
Mary, you are an angel! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will read & reread your letter when I need it which is pretty much every minute. I was able to get into a counselor today thankfully. One step at a time, one day at a time & LOTS OF PRAYERS!
I cannot tell you how glad I am that I found your letter & all the comments. My son was arrested in KY 2 days ago for beating his 9 month older daughter. He doesn’t remember beating her. I saw the pictures & cannot get them out of my mind. He took ambien & has no memory of the incident. That poor, beautiful baby girls eye was swollen shut. I am so sick I can barely make it through a day. I can’t believe he could do such a thing. I don’t know that he really did. I have been told I cannot talk to the mother who has been calling me & that makes me sick. She needs support also. Her own family are not going to see her. I just can’t understand why they don’t go see her. I am going to try to see a counselor tomorrow. Thankfully on this restless night I found a little peace reading your letter. My prayers are with all of you mothers, I don’t now how to move forward.
Sue,
When I read that your son has spent his entire adult life locked up my heart ached for you. I know, I don’t even know you, BUT as a mother I can’t imagine how this has impacted you. I just PRAISE GOD that you know him. I’m sorry it has been 6-yrs sense you’ve talked to your son. I couldn’t imagine, again I grieve for you. I’m also sorry that you’re having all the problems you’re having with the Texas Prison system. I’ve prayed about this for you. I love your attitude/faith/trust toward God. I REJOICE in the fact that we have our LORD to help us endure, could you imagine going through this without him! How do people make it without God?
My story is that I have been dealing with my son in and out of prision for small things yet against the law. No drugs, No weapons, just stealing or trying to steal. He has spent his entire adult life locked up. Now he is in another state and I haven’t seen him or talked to him in over six years. I registered and got a prepaid phone card for him but they keep finding littlie things wrong not to approve it such as the name the phone is in, name of visitation, name on id. It is crazy.. Texas Prison system. I live in arkansas and they sent my son to Amarillo Texas. He gets so heavy on my heart sometimes but I keep the Faith that God will see him through. God is keeping him and for that alone I am thankful. there are a lot of mother’s out there that only have a cold grave to visit. I thank God for giving me his word and strength.
My HEART goes out to you. You have the right to be SCARED. My son thought it was great at first to, in YDC, but prisons a little different I guess. Maybe one way to look at it would be that he might realize that prison’s where he needs to be right now until GOD changes his heart. Some people do things they don’t like or even later regret. They know they need to be locked up so they won’t hurt themselves or others. You keep yourself well, so you’ll be able to help him. Trust your judgment on what to send him, if you’re going back and forth on something seek GOD’s council through praying and talking with other “Spirit Filled Believers.” There’s nothing wrong with being angry, “Be angry and sin not, “ I totally understand your frustration. I may not be going through the same thing, but similar. That’s what helps us relate. I feel your PAIN and FRUSTRATION. As I write this I PRAY for you and ask the Holy Spirit of God to comfort you, to send people to comfort you. From what you said the “tra-la-la” attitude is probably coming from a 10-yrd attitude. From what you’ve already said about his behavior, you can’t really expect more then what you’re seeing now from him. When GOD changes his HEART you’ll see and hear what your HEART longs for. The Lord says that when we bring up are children in his ways we can count on them returning. Someday your son will return, until then keep yourself spiritually strong, and physically strong. You’ve got to be strong to endure this, if you are not the devil wins. It sounds like from what you’ve wrote that you have enabled him some, but don’t BLAME yourself, its part of who we are as mothers. Learn from it. While your son’s locked up don’t waste your energy on what to do for him in prison, focus it on researching, calling, knocking until you have an answer on how to HELP him. Ask GOD to lead you, you be the hands and feet, he’ll guide you, be relentless. If you’ve done all this then maybe GOD is saying…..STOP..I don’t know. About sending money, going to see him, I’ll tell you what happen while I was in-line to go in to see my son. This father who was a correction officer was also in-line. He said he’s over 6-inmates, he said one of them told him to stop coming to see his son. If his son has all the luxuries like visits from parents, money, certain deo and the shampoo he likes he’s got it made. He needs tuff love is what the inmate said to this correction officer. Is the inmate right, he’s living it out himself. All of us mothers that were there in line looked at each other, our hearts were telling us something different. This correction officer drove 6-hous so that his wife could see their son for 25 minutes, it was suppose to be an hour, but I think you know how the “system works.” There are glitches in everything. Do our children need to have it made while their learning life? It’s a mother’s GOD given instinct to nurture, but I guess we could cut back somewhat. I guess there might be something to this tuff LOVE. I don’t have the answer, ask GOD to guide you and trust in that. If you question yourself, seek spiritual counsel from someone who is trustworthy and not personally involved. Trust your instincts, its GOD given, yes sometimes we miss the target when we’ve made a decision out of whatever emotion, but still TRUST them. Thank you for BLESSING me by SHARING your HEART. Praise be to our GOD!
It certainly is helpful to read the words of other mothers faced with this issue. My son is in prison for the second time, having held us at knife-point in our home as he threatened to kill himself and others….and now he writes from prison saying that he ‘doesn’t remember most of it’ because he was on heroin at the time….and he writes about all the great ‘perks’ of prison – the food, the exercise equipment, etc. – and asks us to send money, photos, etc. I have written postcards so far, telling him I forgive but can’t forget – and that he must turn to God and truly and humbly repent….but I’m not sure I really have forgiven. I am still angry and extremely frustrated. We are left dealing with physical damage to our home and emotional damage to my husband and me – and my son writes these ‘tra-la-la’ letters as if he is a 10-yr-old writing from ‘summer camp’. Due to the ironies of the ‘system’, he will only be in prison for about 3 months – and he expect to be released and return to living (rent-free) in our rental house. I can see now that I have enabled some of his behaviors by not giving him absolute limits beyond which I would not tolerate…but he has not worked in 5 years, seems unable to get or keep a job, yet continues to return (at age 24) to heroin and marijuana addictions and illegal behaviors. I truly believe we have tried everything – he may have a mental illness – I would guess bipolar – but despite my funding the psychiatric appointments, he refuses to continue treatment or evaluations of any kind. I wish AZ had resources such as half-way houses, etc., but all the funding has been cut. It appears that if I say ‘no’ to letting him stay in our rental house, he will be on the street. Believe me, I am on my knees constantly about this – most of it has to be in God’s hands – but do you have any advice for me as a mother? My instincts tell me not to send money or go to visit him, since he will be out in such a short time…but maybe that isn’t the right approach? It just ‘feels’ like every time I give him an ‘inch’ of caring and support, he grabs a ‘mile’. Bless you and yours, S in Phoenix
Ah, thank you for your words of WISDOM. I never thought of it that way, perfect God, sinful children. Its funny how the truth is always there, but put differently by some else can bring such a BLESSING. Just the thought of our LORD relentlessly pursuing my son brings me great joy and comfort. Praise be to our Heavenly Father for you, may he BLESS you a 100 fold!
Thank you for being so open by sharing your letter to your son. Our emotions are so raw; I’m saying “our” because I think all the mothers that have had to go through this living night mare have raw emotions. We are bleeding, an open womb. I have never felt such pain, disappointment, discouragement. God made us with the desire for us to be good wives and mothers. I have treasured this, and I truly believe I’ve done an overall good job, but if you look at the situation as it stands now, I look and feel like a failure. It’s so hard when you see and know that you’ve put good into your child and you see them acting toldly opposite from what you’ve taught them. My son is 14 and sits in the YDC this very evening as him mother sits at home and grieves. As I sit here I’m thinking, “I’m the one who was suppose to fix you dinner this evening.” “Did they give you your sinus medicine,” “Are they being kind to you,” “They can’t possibly look at you and love you the way I do.” “I’m supposed to be the one who says goodnight.” I don’t know how anyone could possibly go through this without knowing the Lord, he is my saving grace, PRAISE be to our GOD! I can’t wait for the day when my son is restored and made whole by our SAVIOR. I truly believe that God will work this situation out, and it will some day be used to glorify him!
Mary: I will never forget our pastor’s statement to us during that dark time in our lives: God the Father, the perfect pattern, had two children. He put them in a perfect garden. And they, having free will, disobeyed Him and got into terrible trouble. If a perfect parent had sinful children to deal with, why should we expect to somehow avoid our own children falling into sin, since they have free will? May the Comforter give you daily strength to wait and hope, and may He relentlessly pursue your son with love and grace and restore him, in God’s own time.
Dear Bleeding Heart,
I wasn’t sure by your post if your son is in jail. If so, I have been down that road 3 times now with my son and it is definitely painful. If they are addicted to cigarettes, pot, sugar etc. they go through it all at once for sure. But God is still where they are. My son has heard God’s voice in there where he has to be confined and that is good. Most times there is no one to talk to of those you know personally as they don’t understand unless they’ve gone through it. In my case, God led me to reading material and it has put the pain I’ve gone through in perspective. One was Tortured For Christ and the other an article about a retarded boy (with I.Q.of 47) in Texas thrown into adult prison for 100 years for 1 count of fondling (which became much more complicated names on the charges). You can find it on the web. These both have left me saying “okay, I can do this”. I will be praying for you whenever God brings you to mind that He will do the same for you according to your needs. SW
so I read the letter you wrote to your son Adam. This has got to be the sweetest most Godly written words that I’ve come across. This letter brought tears to my eyes. I will be praying for Adam. My son Brandon is 21 . three weeks ago he turned himself in. This was for some old charges driving on revoked and passing a school bus. And failure to aqppear. I am not ashamed of him I forgave him before he turned himsel fin. my heart aches for him daily. Yesterday I saw him in court and my heart ached again. This is my blood and I’m the only one who has any hope in him except for my father Jeswus.I HURT BEYOND BELIEF. As a mother I have been going through this since he was 14. It started with drinking and now pills. I cant imagine what his body is going hrough. I need you to pray that Drug intervention will come and visit him . they were supose to come last week. He’s going through some nasty withdrawls. I pray that God will use him for his glory and I’m holding to the promise hat he will be a better adult. Our God has all the answers. I can’t see the future but I know their is a reason why he is going through this. Please raise him up to God when you pray. I just want everyone on to know that it’s not our fault as parents and I will be praying for everyone who left a comment. Our God is Good. He wont put us through more than we can bare. I need peace and strength to make it through this. because I still see him as a babe. I prayed a hedge of protection around him. Theirs not alot left I can do now It’s out of my hands. Please just continue to pray. Bleeding heart In Georgia.
Dear Abigail: Thank you for your comment. I’m surprised that people still stumble on this post–through a search engine, I guess–and come over to read it. It’s hard to believe that I wrote that only two and a half years ago. So much positive has happened since then. Our Adam is 20 now. He has a steady job and a terrific girlfriend. She attends church with my husband and me every week, though Adam still shows little interest in coming with us (and usually works Sunday mornings). however, the two of them talk about spiritual things, and I believe God is drawing both of them. It’s His timing, not ours. We continue to pray for all our wandering family members. I will pray for your son, as well. May God’s peace, which is way beyond our comprehension, sustain you in Christ. Godsbooklover
I didn’t expect such a quick response but thankyou. (However, please acknowledge me as SW.) It is so good to hear your son doing so well. In our case, it’s been every time our son has tried to have a girlfriend that something bad happens. He’s a good person and has a very loving heart. He just wants someone to love him and to be normal – have all the things you just described your son is now having. I have prayed a long time for God to heal his I.Q. so he can function as a normal person. Many people don’t realize the torment that the challenged go through – especially the higher functioning ones who DO know what they are missing out on. The last time he was in jail he heard a voice in the night calling him twice but when he got up no one was there. I believe it was like a Samuel incident. Though it’s beyond me how God can use him with this now on his reputation. But God has definitely worked in your sons life and believing he can still do something in my sons. Please pray for me to do the right thing in regard to visiting him. I had told him if he got in trouble again that I’d only write him and could not deal again with going to the jail or to court seeing him in shackles or talking to public defenders again. That he’d have to work it all out. I don’t know if I can carry through with it because it makes me feel guilty on the opposite side of things. But it always seems like he counts on me so much that maybe he’s not counting on God enough. Thanks for taking time to respond. I have no one to talk to who’s been through this. SW
SW, I can only hope that this will reach you. I so would like to visit with you about your son.. Maybe something you can share with me will help. Reading your response to the original post sounds like you are describing our son. In every way!!
Please help me through this.
I don’t know if you still check this website as this was all posted quite long ago but I just want you to know it has eased the pain in my heart some to read your letter to your son. My son was arrested for the 3rd time yesterday on serious charge (has had a couple others less serious). My heart is bleeding for him and yet I am so angry also. My son is also challenged which makes it double hard and the situations are sex related as he has the hormones but not the impulse control to deal properly. And my husband and I are in the ministry to top it all off. It has been an absolute nightmare and I keep hoping I will wake up someday. It was good to hear your son doing better 7 months later. We have been going through this for 4 1/2 years (all his life if you consider just all the stuff to deal with with a challenged child.) Anyway, thankyou for your letter and if you happen to read this, please pray for my son to respond to God also. He feels also God has not been there for him. It was like I had written this letter. Thanks SW
Dear “Family Matters”–I will certainly pray for your son. I have not been blogging much lately (and hoping this will change!) but life has been very full and God has continued to be very faithful to us–no surprise there. As often as I look at my “stats” page, this post is the one which turns up in searches. Never dreamed when I wrote it that it would be encouraging to others.
An update at two years’ distance from that event: our son is gainfully employed, talking about college, and dating a young woman whom we love. She is from a much more damaged background than he, and loves being at our house, so our son is seeing us with a new appreciation, through her eyes. She is also quite open to spiritual things, attends church with us (while he works on Sunday mornings). I believe she may be an answer to our prayers for godly outside influences to work on our son.
There are definitely worse things than being locked up…I will pray that in that place of quiet confinement that your son will listen to the Lord’s voice. I will also pray that others who minister to those in prison will reach out to him in a way that he responds to. God’s blessings on you in this new year. LEN
Your words not only touch me, but inspire me. I was trying to find the right words to say to my 16 yr. old son who is back in YDC. The last 3 yrs. have been awful with him. I continue to pray for him and share the word of God with him – and he pushes it all away. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It helped me very much.
I’m grateful that my words could be of help to you, and also that you took the time to tell me so.
Our Adam is an adult now, living with his older brother and doing fairly well so far. We continue to pray that
both our sons will turn back to the God who loves them and who has cared so well and patiently for them.
I will pray for your son, too–and for you, that God will be your strength and your peace.
How can your dear boy not feel your mother’s heart in these words? Praying for you, and for him–that He will also soon fully know his Father’s heart for Him.