I’ve been pondering why I’m having so much trouble writing in this space lately. Partly, I suppose it is my own internal definition of “wordpress” blogging vs. xanga blogging. I came here to be more “literary”…and to get away from unsavory advertising banners in my margins. So I’ve felt reluctant to just write. Silly. Partly, I have felt constrained by needing to be somewhat circumspect in talking about family issues. And the family issue that constrains me also at times consumes me.
It occurred to me today that God is doing some great things in my life, and if I concentrate on the one black cloud–and it’s a huge storm front, which, realistically, may hover over our heads for years–then I may actually miss celebrating all His gracious silver linings.
In the past year I’ve made a wonderful new friend: first via blog, then e-mail, then via telephone, and recently through her visit here to Fort Wayne. I may not be expanding my internet horizons as far or fast as my friend Jon, but this friendship with Ruth has been a huge blessing.
Then, Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with some dear friends who are long-distance, and keep up with their lives in a vastly more immediate and satisfying way than can be achieved in an annual Christmas card. My e-mail and Facebook functions also allow me to chat with them in real time, at no expense. Wow!
I have a trip coming up which I’m eagerly awaiting: taking the train to Pittsburgh to visit my next oldest brother, his wife and two darling sons. It will be the first time I’ve seen them in nearly three years. Youngest brother and his wife, and our dad, will rendezvous with us a couple of days after my arrival. My older son is driving himself out to Pittsburgh from Indy for two or three days, and then he’ll drive me home…five hours of quality conversation with him is also something to anticipate.
I’ve made the acquaintance of a local playwright this spring, and we are fast becoming friends. Last week, I put together a group of all for One friends, and we did a private reading of one of her newest plays. Delightful experience! (Look for a blog about this experience on the all for One blog soon…see my blog roll for the link.)
My writing projects are not making as much progress as I’d hoped this summer, but I am doing some writing. I’m also finding myself enjoying a wide variety of books (rather than the mindless fiction into which I often lapse in the summertime). I’ve been disciplined enough to work out three times a week, plus one or walks. So I’m feeling more energetic, and my garden is shaping up. I’m able to spend quality time with friends, both on the phone and in person. Life is rich with relationships, including the one with my terrific husband, with whom I just celebrated 25 years of marriage in May.
Add to that the creative projects for next season which are on the horizon, which will also bring challenge, pleasure, new relationships, joy, and you have a picture of a contented, fulfilled woman of middle age. I need to write these things out for myself on a regular basis, so that I stay in a place of gratitude and hope. The enemy of my soul would like me to look at one relationship at one moment in time, and despair.
You faithful few who actually hang around and read my intermittent offerings, you mostly know my situation and so you know how to pray. My family deeply, humbly appreciates every mention of us before the throne. I don’t ever want to be less than a mother of two sons. Sometimes it’s good to remind myself that that is not the sum total of my identity in Christ. But because it’s an important life role, you can expect to see more posts, more poems, more ponderings about this rather difficult mothering journey. But I’ll be making an effort to write on a greater variety of subjects once again. Till next time—Laurie